Congrats, Whatever
Report cards came in the mail this week and all the big kids did really well. I wanted to get them a little treat, so I stopped by the Dairy Queen (the one that is next door to the Curves–that’s just wrong) to pick up an ice cream cake for dessert Monday night. I was looking in the freezer at the selection when one of the ladies working there brought this one out:
Pretty little flowers, the mark of a good decorator. Or so I thought.
Figuring she had just finished decorating it and might still have the icing out, I took it to the counter and asked if I could get “Congratulations” written on the top. The kid helping me shrugged and said, “Sure. Green OK?” Then he was gone a reaaaally long time. When he came back, I got this:
Dude, the greens don't even match.
I may be wrong, but I’m thinking the original decorator had nothing to do with this. She would have at least used the same icing, or added a flower, or something. And doesn’t that look like the writing of a teen-aged boy?
There had been no green sprinkles on the cake before. Upon closer inspection, The Queen (who was our dinner guest that night) pointed out that he had had to “erase” what he originally put on there, so the sprinkles helped to cover up the smeared green icing. So, this was the one that made him say, “Oh, yeah, that’s muuuuch better!”??
My only regret is that this wasn’t a much more tragic cake. I love the Cake Wrecks site and would be so excited to have something to submit. Maybe next time.
If Only There Was, Like, A Dictionary Around Here
I was at the library recently and was walking in from the parking lot to the library. A part of the sidewalk in front of the library was being repaired and this sign was displayed:
Sign in front of the library.
Did I mention that this was at the library. It was. At the library, that is. Just in case you were wondering. Apparently, this painter was so sure of his/her spelling, he/she felt no need to double-check in the reference section. Or even ask a passer-by. So, you know, be careful, OK? Exercise a little cuation.
But This IS My Best Behavior
I just spent a wonderful weekend at our church’s Ladies’ Retreat. It’s so nice to go spend a couple of days with women who love to laugh while they love the Lord. Luckily, these women know me well enough to know that, even when I’m on my best behavior, I will probably say something totally inappropriate for a church setting. And they just roll with it and love me anyway.
We go to the same retreat center every year (Greenwood Hills) up near Gettysburg, PA. During the fall, it’s especially pretty. I was lucky to get to ride and room with my friend, Connie. She is one of those people with whom I never experience awkward pauses in conversation. We talked the whole weekend and still I had to text her within an hour of arriving home to share another juicy tidbit.
Our speaker for the weekend was Stephanie, the wife of our Youth Pastor (who is called something snazzy like “Escalate Pastor”, but I can never remember the difference between that, the “Enticement Pastor” and the “Exciting Pastor.” Actually, I don’t think any of those are actual titles. I need to pay better attention in church.) Like her husband, Stephanie is especially gifted at entertaining a crowd while teaching and making a point. She makes you want to listen to a sermon. And that’s saying something for my easily distracted self.
Every year, Saturday afternoon is designated as “free time,” when the attendees can shop, sleep, walk, play, etc. A few of us decided to hang out in front of the fireplace and play games and talk. The game? Bible Baseball. Uh-oh. I mean, I can totally rock the I Love The 80’s game we played Friday night. Dexy’s Midnight Runners! The A Team! Larry Bird! Leg Warmers! Rubik’s Cube! See? But I should probably be a little ashamed that Bible knowledge does not come as easily. Turns out? A really fun game! And my partner, Doreen, and I won! I credit our win to the facts that one, Doreen is a Bible super-scholar, and two, I’ve memorized most of the songs from the VeggieTales movies. (“I am King Darius! I had a dream!”)
Saturday night we had more Stephanie-flavored fun and then sat around the fireplace making s’mores. I forgot to mention that food is a very important part of this weekend. Everyone brings their favorite snack food and leaves it in the dining room and we all share the booty. I commented one night that I had Cheetos, Oreos, and funny ladies; add in margaritas and you’ve got a perfect evening.
We all departed on Sunday, some of us more rested, some of us less rested because we stayed up too late laughing and playing the 80’s game. But we all left with mental food to chew on and renewed fellowship. (And maybe a few more Oreos padding our middles.) I’m already looking forward to next year’s retreat. Thanks ladies!
Do You Have A Gambling Problem? (Other Than Not Knowing How to Play Baccarat)
SPRING BREAK, PART 3
(c) Niagara Fallsview Casino Resort
Sugar Daddy and I decided to check out the Fallsview Casino . . .and Retirement Village, apparently; I can’t believe how many oxygen tanks were being dragged around the place. When we first walked in, I heard a woman introducing two men: “Bert, this is Jim. He isn’t part of our group because he’s only 68.” To Jim: “Our tour is for 70 and over.”
I have never seen so many slot machines in one place. I really wanted to take a few pictures, but I think they frown on that. Didn’t want the Canadian mafia kicking my butt out into the freezing mist. They don’t even do coins anymore, which I find disappointing. You load money onto a card and then insert that into the machine to play. I was really looking forward to all the little clink noises when I won a bunch.
Seriously, there were slot machines for every kind of player–not just different denominations, but different themes. Egypt, fruit, race cars, witchcraft, sexy women . . .you get the picture. It was just fun wandering around and seeing the different machines and the different people playing them.
I played until I was up won about $30. We had each put in $10, plus another $10 in drinks, I figure I broke even for the night. Wandering the halls afterward, I saw a rack of these brochures. They explained how to play each game so that newbies like me could understand what was going on.
Let us teach you how to give us all your money . . .
The best brochure, however, was right next to the instructional ones.
. . .but make sure you can pay your hotel bill before you leave town.
It’s like putting the “Just Say No” signs next to the crystal meth stand. Like this one sane voice in the sea of gambling craziness will make someone stop and say, “Wait a minute. I’ve gambled away my kid’s college fund and had to mortgage the house. Maybe I should think about this a little.” What do I know? Maybe it does.
So ends our fun Spring Break trip to Niagara Falls. We learned several things: Canadians are really friendly, even if they have kept the best side of the Falls to themselves; you can convince a three year old that a bathtub is a pool; don’t eat anything from the hotel minibar unless you take out a personal loan; and, if you don’t know how to play baccarat, there are helpful pamphlets. If only they had pamphlets with instructions for raising teenagers.
Yah, I Know. I Suck.
So, maybe I shouldn’t blog when I’m into a bottle of Pinot Grigio. But what the hell. What’s the worst that could happen? (Other than bad grammar and punctuation, which would embarrass me more than buzzy ramblings.) I’ve been battling the twin demons of depression and anxiety, and really haven’t had writing at the top of my list. Thanks to those oft-maligned pharmaceutical companies, I am now able to function in my usual snarky manner.
If you’re keeping score (which would be that one guy wearing a cat on his head who REALLY NEEDS TO PUT HIS PANTS BACK ON! DUDE!), I still have one more installment about our Spring Break trip to Niagara Falls. (I know, it’s summer and I still haven’t finished spring break blogging. Day late and a dollar short–story of my life.) I’m almost done with that. Meanwhile, we’re getting ready for our family summer trip. So, lots going on and I’m sure you will graciously forgive me if the posts this summer are few and far between.
As a parting (party-ing?) shot, I will post this picture. I am convinced that these people are my parents in disguise.
OK, y’all: Good Travels!
