I Spent All My Beer Money on School Supplies
Oh. My. Goodness. Just spent a couple of hours at the local K-Mart getting all the school supplies that the quadruplets will need to start 7th grade on Tuesday. I remember hearing stories years ago about rich oil Sheiks going to Harrod’s in London and having a private shopping spree in the middle of the night. They would instruct the employees there to pack up one of everything they touched as they drifted through the store. I felt that way, only much poorer, and having to deal with the unwashed masses. I can’t decide if every moron in the metro area plans to shop when I’m there, or if morons are ALWAYS shopping.
I imagined myself doing one of those supermarket sweeps, racing with my cart to the school supplies aisle and raking shelf-fulls of stuff into it. I mean, twelve composition books?! And twenty-four BIG glue sticks?! Are they snorting this stuff? And the regular size glue sticks aren’t acceptable. They must be jumbo-sized. Considering that the K-Mart was out of all sizes of glue sticks, I told my kids they were lucky to get the two small each I tossed into their backpacks. I told them if their teachers rolled their eyes or made a comment, to respectfully say, “My mother was buying supplies for quadruplets and said to talk to her if there’s a problem with anything.” While I desperately hope that all of their teachers are really nice, I have fantasies of being able to get in full irate-redneck mode with someone. I can wave my Bud Light bottle around, sloshing beer, while I take out my shopping-with-morons frustrations out on them. I could even be barefoot!
The kids have stashed all of their stuff away in their backpacks and are now worrying about locker combinations. When did they get so old? I can’t believe I have seventh graders now. I glimpsed DS2 talking on the phone today and realized how deep his voice had gotten and how long his legs were. In another year I’ll have teenagers! Anyway, we haven’t even gotten to the point of sending in checks for PE uniforms, art supplies, and after school activities. The older they get, the poorer I feel.
