The Annual Christmas Letter – Part 1
Everyone gets Christmas letters. Some people, like me, love to get these. A full update in a page (or four–you people need to learn to edit) and I feel like I’ve talked to them for hours and gotten all the news. Some people hate to get these. They find them boring and predictable. The thought of someone finding me boring and/or predictable just chills me to the bone. So two years ago I decided to go with a new Christmas letter format. The pop quiz. Here was our quiz for Christmas 2006 (real names disguised because I’m a little paranoid that way):
Dear Friends and Family,
Please get out your No. 2 pencils for the following multiple choice quiz covering the Dolans--year 2006.1. Throughout the first half of the year, Dolanmama was quickly gaining weight because:
a) those Burger King Double Bacon Cheeseburgers are great!
b) it’s glandular, I swear!
c) we were expecting a baby! (AND the Double Bacon Cheeseburgers are great.)2. In April, the Dolan family
a) starred in a reality show about an aging rock star, his medicated wife, and his rotten kids. Wait, that wasn’t us . . .
b) released our latest album—Smell the Glove.
c) spent a week at Disney World with Nana and Papa.3. Sugar Daddy’s big accomplishment in May was
a) adding the record-breaking piece to his World’s Largest Rubber Band Ball.
b) to EAT MOOR CHIKIN.
c) graduating with highest honors from [really impressive] University’s Environmental Law program.4. Our newest family member, BabyGirl, was
a) selected from a cardboard box labeled “Free Puppies” outside the grocery store.
b) a deal because of her special “Rollback” price at Wal-Mart.
c) born June 12th at [military] Hospital.5. DS1 is enjoying his activities of
a) horse-whispering and the mouth harp.
b) hitchhiking and body piercing.
c) violin and swimming.6. DS2 is having fun with
a) the squirrel under his bed.
b) tormenting his sisters.
c) clarinet and Irish dance. (And maybe a little bit of “b”.)7. DD3 is involved with
a) the local chapter of the Hell’s Angels.
b) the “Missing Cupcake” scandal at her school
c) chorus and swimming.8. DS4’s activities are
a) illegal in several Southern states.
b) preparing her for her future as a Mafia snitch.
c) Irish dance and piano.9. After BabyGirl was born, Dolanmama returned to her hobby—
a) carving famous faces into ‘taters.
b) collecting children.
c) Irish dancing.10. The Dolan family wishes
a) we could fly.
b) for three more wishes.
c) that you all have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!
In 2006, I only sent this out to a few selected friends. It was just too different and the Sugar Daddy thought it was “weird”. I had such a response, however, that I decided to make a quiz my main letter in 2007. That will be my next post. (I’m such a tease.)
