The Dolan Weblog

My Christmas cards got sent out on Christmas Eve this year.  I think I should get extra points for “cards sent closest to Christmas”.  In truth, I just didn’t get my shit together in time to get them out earlier.  Sue me.  When I put them in the mail slot at the Post Office, I felt like one of those calf ropers at the rodeo who finishes tying the three legs and throws their hands in the air to show they’re done.  You know what I mean?  No?  Only me, I guess.

Here’s this year’s letter with, as usual, identifying info changed.  I’m paranoid when I’m off my meds.  I can’t figure out what’s going on with the numbers and bullet formatting, and trying to fix it will just make me cranky.  You know what it’s supposed to look like–just picture it that way in your head.

Please get out your Number 2 pencils for this year’s Christmas quiz on:

The Dolans, 2008.

1. April was an exciting month for our family because
   1. we turned the clocks forward. Or was it back? Um, is this why we were late for church for 6 months?
   2. we made our traditional batch of Tax Return Brownies.
   3. Sugar Daddy came home after 6 months in Iraq.

2. Sugar Daddy’s new job

1. 1. brings him back to his first love . . .crochet.
   2. involves a pole and a lot of folded up $1 bills.
   3. has him [working at a military facility]

1. The big kids
   1. spent much of the past year trying to buy a Senate seat in Illinois.
   2. are only here for the cookies.
   3. are 7^th graders and middle school honor students. (And the best darn big siblings any baby could ask for!)

1. This year, DS2 has been
   1. [this multiple choice answer has been eliminated due to the troubled economy—savings will be put towards any Dunkin’ Donuts bail out. Mmmm, donuts . . .]
   2. giving Michael Phelps some pointers on his breast stroke.
   3. a student government representative and biking enthusiast. (He recently spent a Saturday on a 20-mile ride with his friend, Tommy.)

1. DD3 is
   1. thisclose to violating her parole.
   2. a community organizer.
   3. singing in the middle school chorus and learning sign language.

1. DD4 has spent her free time this year
   1. hunting wolves from helicopters.
   2. staring dreamily at the Joe the Plumber poster on her bedroom wall.
   3. Irish dancing and playing the piano.

1. DS1 ([Nickname]) enjoys
   1. confusing everyone by answering to two names.
   2. making obscene objects with Legos.
   3. building rockets and bridges in his technology class and being a member of [club name] (the after-school “dude” club.)

1. This year, Dolanmama has
   1. enjoyed the fact that she’s the youngest and hottest babe at the Elks Club Bingo Night.
   2. joined “Team Edward”.
   3. continued teaching Irish dance and started blogging.

1. BabyGirl
   1. is the one who let the dogs out.
   2. taught Chuck Norris how to do that roundhouse kick thing.
   3. knows how to rock a ladybug costume at Halloween. (She’s 2 ½ this Christmas!)

1. The Dolans
   1. believe most situations can be handled with duct tape and beer.
   2. dress up as pirates when you’re not looking. Arrrgh!
   3. wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!