Proof That The Baby Is Trying To Kill Me
A few months ago, Baby Girl was given a set of books. They all were the same size and design and she seemed to catch on that they were all part of a “whole”. She would line them up neatly on the living room floor and pretend they were a sidewalk or bridge. I now realize this was all just an act to distract me from her evil plot. I started finding this several times a day:
OCD much?
Obviously, her plan was for me to “accidentally” slip on the stairs and fall to a painful and messy death. We started calling it the “Book Trap.” As in, “Hey, if you come downstairs, be careful. Baby Girl set up a Book Trap down here.” Apparently growing frustrated with her lack of results, she tried a different approach:
We have a traffic cone obsession in our house. I'm sure it's perfectly normal.
I can’t tell if she’s warning me that there’s construction in the foyer, or if the bridge to the den is washed out. Either way, it’s all subterfuge. She’s trying to draw my attention to something other than my safe passage down the stairs.
Most recently, she has returned to her original plan, but with subtle variations. I think she must have been rushed to get this trap in place while I was making dinner.
She thinks the multiple sizes might make it more dangerous.
So this is my notice to the world. If I am found in a cold heap at the bottom of my stairs, you know who you should be investigating.
The face of evil.
Can’t you just see her plotting my death?
This Was Totally A Seinfeld Episode!
Sugar Daddy took a couple of the big kids down to the Inauguration yesterday. (I chose to stay at home where I had heat, snacks, and a clean potty. As my friend Jeff said: “Ummm… large crowds, bitter cold, limited transportation options, and hundreds of thousands of victory-enthused democrats… I’m thinking no.”) But the three of them decided to brave it and take a few pics/video. Getting on the Metro, DS2 was handed this:
Not just your name--it has a space for you to write your hometown, too.
A name tag! There were suggestions about starting conversations on the back. Y’all, this exact thing was the topic of a Seinfeld episode! (It was the “Fat Free Frozen Yogurt” episode, for those of you who care.) Elaine thinks that if people in New York City would just wear name tags, the city would be a friendlier place. Here is part of the transcript (courtesy of www.seinfeldscripts.com):
Elaine: . . .So, anyway, you’re a big advisor to Dinkins, huh?
Lloyd: Yeah, yeah. It’s coming right down to the wire.
Elaine: Wow! You know what I would do if I was running for
mayor. One of my campaign themes would be that everybody
should wear name tags all the time to make the city friendlier.Lloyd: Name tags, hmm?
Elaine: Well, everybody would know everybody. It would be like a small town.
Lloyd: Maybe I’ll mention that to him.
Later in the show:
Kramer: . . . Oh, did you hear about that Dinkins?
Elaine: No. What about him?
Kramer: You didn’t hear?
Elaine: Un-huh.
Kramer: He’s proposing a plan where everyone in the city should wear name tags.
Jerry: Name tags?
Kramer: Yeah! So people can go around saying “hello” to one another.
Jerry: Oh, I see. So you can go, “Hey, you know who I saw wilding today? Herb!”
Kramer: He’s become the laughing stock! You know The Times has already stated it could cost him the election. Name tags!
Of course, this election was already won. And the name tags were being distributed by two businesses unrelated to the Obama campaign. But I’d like to picture President Obama happening upon one of these and a big smile spreading across his face as he remembers the Seinfeld suggestion. Common ground, people!
As for Sugar Daddy and the kids, they were able to take the Metro in and got as far as the Washington Monument before being stopped by the wall of people. They retreated to the Lincoln Memorial, where they watched the swearing in on the jumbotrons. Hunh. So they braved all the craziness to watch it on TV. And I stayed home in comfort to . . .watch it on TV. Yay me!
