Proof That The Baby Is Trying To Kill Me
A few months ago, Baby Girl was given a set of books. They all were the same size and design and she seemed to catch on that they were all part of a “whole”. She would line them up neatly on the living room floor and pretend they were a sidewalk or bridge. I now realize this was all just an act to distract me from her evil plot. I started finding this several times a day:
OCD much?
Obviously, her plan was for me to “accidentally” slip on the stairs and fall to a painful and messy death. We started calling it the “Book Trap.” As in, “Hey, if you come downstairs, be careful. Baby Girl set up a Book Trap down here.” Apparently growing frustrated with her lack of results, she tried a different approach:
We have a traffic cone obsession in our house. I'm sure it's perfectly normal.
I can’t tell if she’s warning me that there’s construction in the foyer, or if the bridge to the den is washed out. Either way, it’s all subterfuge. She’s trying to draw my attention to something other than my safe passage down the stairs.
Most recently, she has returned to her original plan, but with subtle variations. I think she must have been rushed to get this trap in place while I was making dinner.
She thinks the multiple sizes might make it more dangerous.
So this is my notice to the world. If I am found in a cold heap at the bottom of my stairs, you know who you should be investigating.
The face of evil.
Can’t you just see her plotting my death?
Janine said,
22 January 2009 at 11:16 am
This post was too funny! She looks way too cute to be so devious!
Lee said,
22 January 2009 at 6:19 pm
omg. I love her. Not that I like the idea of your impending death, but the consistency and anal retentiveness of it? Priceless.
Drama Queen said,
22 January 2009 at 7:08 pm
Shall I buy her a cement retaining wall and some road spikes for her third birthday?
Ashleigh said,
22 January 2009 at 8:56 pm
Mine are more subtle…they are trying to kill me with constant bickering and an inability to aim when peeing in my toilet…
Connie said,
26 January 2009 at 9:50 pm
I’ve long suspected her as being The Beast in disguise….I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
olivia said,
14 February 2009 at 12:34 pm
i entertained my husband at IHOP the other morning with stories i read on your blog. we don’t watch much t.v. at all so it’s nice to have SOMETHING to talk about besides politics and what we are working on in the backyard. i look forward to another post, soon, please!
dolanmama said,
14 February 2009 at 8:19 pm
OK, Olivia just made my day. ‘Cause I don’t even know her, and she’s not only reading my ramblings, but asking for more! (Yes, yes, I appreciate my already-knowns that read, too. Quitcher complainin’!)
misbah said,
15 February 2009 at 10:48 pm
very nice and so funny Dolan! hehe..
)
Even More Proof That The Baby Is Trying To Kill Me « The Dolan Weblog said,
18 May 2009 at 10:11 am
[...] READ ME FIRST! [...]