Do You Have A Gambling Problem? (Other Than Not Knowing How to Play Baccarat)
SPRING BREAK, PART 3
(c) Niagara Fallsview Casino Resort
Sugar Daddy and I decided to check out the Fallsview Casino . . .and Retirement Village, apparently; I can’t believe how many oxygen tanks were being dragged around the place. When we first walked in, I heard a woman introducing two men: “Bert, this is Jim. He isn’t part of our group because he’s only 68.” To Jim: “Our tour is for 70 and over.”
I have never seen so many slot machines in one place. I really wanted to take a few pictures, but I think they frown on that. Didn’t want the Canadian mafia kicking my butt out into the freezing mist. They don’t even do coins anymore, which I find disappointing. You load money onto a card and then insert that into the machine to play. I was really looking forward to all the little clink noises when I won a bunch.
Seriously, there were slot machines for every kind of player–not just different denominations, but different themes. Egypt, fruit, race cars, witchcraft, sexy women . . .you get the picture. It was just fun wandering around and seeing the different machines and the different people playing them.
I played until I was up won about $30. We had each put in $10, plus another $10 in drinks, I figure I broke even for the night. Wandering the halls afterward, I saw a rack of these brochures. They explained how to play each game so that newbies like me could understand what was going on.
Let us teach you how to give us all your money . . .
The best brochure, however, was right next to the instructional ones.
. . .but make sure you can pay your hotel bill before you leave town.
It’s like putting the “Just Say No” signs next to the crystal meth stand. Like this one sane voice in the sea of gambling craziness will make someone stop and say, “Wait a minute. I’ve gambled away my kid’s college fund and had to mortgage the house. Maybe I should think about this a little.” What do I know? Maybe it does.
So ends our fun Spring Break trip to Niagara Falls. We learned several things: Canadians are really friendly, even if they have kept the best side of the Falls to themselves; you can convince a three year old that a bathtub is a pool; don’t eat anything from the hotel minibar unless you take out a personal loan; and, if you don’t know how to play baccarat, there are helpful pamphlets. If only they had pamphlets with instructions for raising teenagers.
