The Dolan Weblog

Great Job, Kids–You’re ALL Winners

31 December 2010 at 12:03 pm (books, Kids) (Essay Contest)

In his video commentary (and his essay in New Threats to Freedom) Michael Goodwin discusses the loss of our freedom to fail.  While raising my five children, I have had numerous opportunities to see our society stealing this benefit from our kids.  The “we’re all winners” mentality is being foisted upon children at an alarmingly early age.  Mr. Goodwin notes that this new attitude is presented in the “seductive wrapping of compassion.”  In a misguided attempt to preserve the self-esteem of America’s youth, inaction is being rewarded and all attempts and results are viewed as equally successful.  The seed for this cult of mediocrity is planted early in American childhood.

The first time I registered my 6-year-old quadruplets for soccer, I was surprised; no score would be kept at the matches.  It was explained that no child should feel like a “loser,” so each side would be considered winners regardless of the number of goals scored. Therefore, the kid on the sidelines picking new specimens for his grass-blade collection would be told he plays as well as the future Olympic soccer star.  And they are both put on the same level as the kid who intentionally trips members of the other team and cries to her parents if she doesn’t get to kick the ball every time.

As my children have participated in various activities, the collection of trophies, medals, and certificates has grown rapidly.  It seems that every workshop, competition, and class-completion includes an awards ceremony where no child is overlooked.  I have heard some children comment, “It’s OK if you don’t do it right.  Everyone gets a medal anyway.”  These children understand the underlying concept of  the “entitlement mania” described by Mr. Goodwin:  every child will be rewarded for their performance, even if there was no effort, cooperation, or respect shown in the activity.

This message is also conveyed by “helicopter parents.”  This term, originally used by Cline and Fay in their book Parenting with Love and Logic, refers to parents who are constantly hovering over their children and attempting to shield them from negative experiences, including failure.  What these parents are teaching their children is that others will always bail them out of a difficult situation and that no results are needed to be “successful.”  When a parent constantly runs interference with teachers, coaches, and friends, there is no chance a child will learn to handle their own difficult situations and triumph over adversity.  If Mom and Dad are making sure that the child never founders, there will be no new skills learned or ideas formed by working through a failure.

Dealing with difficulties and failures allows our children to celebrate real success, develop stronger character, and create new concepts and solutions to handle their problems.  As a society, we should value these benefits enough to make sure our children are allowed the opportunity to fail, thereby giving them every chance to succeed.

[Note:  This is an essay I am entering into a scholarship contest based on the book New Threats to Freedom, edited and introduced by Adam Bellow.  I am enjoying the book and encourage my regular readers (that would be you, Mom) to check it out.]